I Am Changwon and Only

Is it me you're looking for?

Hello.  The shimmering sun setting over the horizon of this month can only mean one thing:  Blogging time!  It's been another rather adventurous month, possibly our most adventurous to date as both myself and the Turtle become more adept and confident in our little alcove of the far East.  I thought I'd begin by explaining some of my thinking behind something that may confuse you.  In recent times, approximately since the Cold War: World Tour reached the Vietnam leg; Vietnam has often been referred to as "The 'Nam".  Now, there are numerous nicknames for South Korea: SoKo, The ROK (Repubic of Korea), but I quite like "The 'Rea".  So from now on, if you read something prefaced by "in the 'rea", then I'm merely referring to Korea. Of course...

Busanniversary

Myself and Turtle reached the 30 month mark in our relationship at the beginning of the month, which we decided to make the most of with a trip into a part of Busan we'd not seen too much of.  We booked the hotel: a very nice Pagoda-style place with a pond (indoors - always classy) in an area we'd never previously been to.  

The area was odd.

Yulha, where we are from is a new city; a planned city.  Roads as straight as not liking the Scissor Sisters and junctions at perfect right angles.  It's all very neat, tidy and generally looks a bit Truman Show.  Jungang, the area we stayed at, was more Favela than what we were used to, in all honesty.  Walking from the subway to the hotel meant going up all manner of windy back alleys, past tiny shop fronts selling mostly computer parts and fruit, all whilst avoiding headbutting any number of low hanging cables.  It was a rough and ready kind of place, as opposed to the polished tidiness we've since become accustomed to.

The majority of the weekend, I'd estimate, was spent on the metro though.  We tried to cram everything worth seeing into 72 hours (although we did have to check out at 68, which really hindered our progress).  It was on one of these metro journeys we encountered a most dreadful human being.  The kind you just hope repulses every possible member of the opposite sex in the hope they could never reproduce.  Unfortunately for us, both personally and globally, she had a young family.  The woman, whom for now I'll refer to as Kim Jong Knob, stared at us the entire time.  I have no qualms with staring; I'm a horrid, evil foreigner, that's fine.  It's when she started leaning into her young son's ear, whispering (whilst pointing at my legs!) before they both broke out laughing.  Then she'd continue to make weird eye contact with us.  In the end I made sure to stretch my legs out as much as I could so they got a good eyeful of prime furry leg.

I've digressed, I apologise.  We ended up bringing in the two and a half years sat on Gwangali beach drinking beer out of paper cups watching the bridge change colour, which was relatively pleasant.  What was less pleasant was when the bastards next to us started launching rocket-like missiles (which later turned out just to be fireworks).  I know we can't speak the same language but maybe just a bit of warning would have been nice.  I'm still getting used to the spicy foods and sudden surprises like that could have really ruined a quite romantic moment.

A thick, white oaf

As alluded to in the previous section, we do get a lot of attention for being a good ol' Johnny Foreigner.  I have to stress though that the overwhelming majority of the time, it is because we're weird looking to them, not because they find us attractive.  One of the myths I'd never really seen any evidence to discredit it before coming here was that white people were seen as beautiful icons to Asians.  No.  Korean people like Korean people who have some of the attractive white features.  On the whole, we are generally overweight, big nosed with awful hair.  We are sweaty and smelly and far too loud in public places.  Pale skin is a huge benefit here, as is having big wide eyes.  The same can be said for having a 'high' nose and set-back eyes.  A middle school class I teach told me all of these beneficial features, of which I seem to have many of.  But just as soon as I began to grow in self confidence I was brought back down with a somewhat unsubtle "But Teacher, your nose is too long and your eyes.. You look so tired Teacher!"

Orphanage

A fortnight ago we were invited to an orphanage in Gimhae by one of our friends as part of a big BBQ day out for the kids.  The idea of flame-kissed meats had me sold immediately.  When we arrived it turned out there was also going to be a water fight.  I had to pretend that I was moderately happy about this as it only seemed to be the children who were as excited as I was (very excited).  We took all the water balloons and other artillery (water bottles, buckets, a hose...) over to the park and prepared for an Orphans Vs. Foreigners deathmatch.  As I was limbering up and deciding on who should be my first victim (to hit with a water bomb, not to steal) one particularly warmhearted Waygook said, most profoundly "If you don't make an orphan cry today, you've not done your job".  And with that truly inspirational speech, I was ready.  

Within approximately forty seconds all the waterbombs had been used up and I'd made around eight different enemies whilst only securing the allegiance of one boy (whose aim was quite frankly appalling).  Nevertheless, it's fair to say I was completely soaked from head to toe (one of them managed to get water to go up my nose and out my mouth at one point).

Back at the orphanage one of the girls offered to paint my nails, which I allowed because it was quite a nice dark satin blue.  After she'd done both mine and the Turtle's, she then asked if she could be in a couple with us.  Obviously we had to say no, but statistically, she definitely would've helped ease the burden of washing and ironing my clothes..

Frankly though, it was one of my best days ever; I loved every second of it.  The kids there were so kind and generous along with being just incredibly playful and interested in us, which made trying to entertain them so much easier.  I cannot wait for next time (providing my Super Soaker 120,000 Double Pump-Action Destroyer gets here on time).

Three million days of Summer/Assassination Attempt

It's been pretty much summer conditions since we've been here, but sweet Jesus of modern day Israel it's getting hot now.  It's an unrelenting, hatefully humid heat which will make you have the most uncomfortable sleeps ever.  It's getting pretty toasty in the 'Rea.  I was woken up yesterday by the taste of my own sweat (suppose I'm thankful it was my own, but even so), it was disgusting.  A particular problem arose last Saturday when we tried to have a lazy/recuperation day.  There's a huge amount of construction knocking about next door (literally about three feet from our window, but also only about two feet from our air con unit), as a result, any of the chemicals/finer materials that get picked up by the wind get sucked right into our air con and then circulated around our room.  Normally this is fine, however El Turtlo took a rather bad turn and made all these peculiar noises, which sounded a bit like someone who'd just stopped breathing.  After a quick trip to the doctors she'd received two prick in the arse and we found out our directors haven't actually sorted out our health insurances yet, so I had to pay the full cost for the aforementioned arsepricks.  What a pain the 'Rea.

A day later, as Turtle's breathing returned to normal, we made our way over to the park and she practiced riding a bike some more, and.... GREAT SUCCESS!! She can definitely ride a bike and almost turn the handlebars, just need to practice that now.  But I was very proud and we celebrated by wearing the clothes we'd put in the freezer (we're terrified of turning on the air con now, so it's getting a little tricky).

A quick update and apology

From the end of last month I've been on holiday in Kyoto (or Tokyo for the dyslexics) which is why the blog hasn't quite been posted on time.  I will be doing a 'Japan Special' as I've been keeping a diary, so I'll post that up next week upon return to the 'Rea.