The 'Pan Diaries - Part 1

Gion, Kyoto - Day 2

As alluded to in the previous blog post (I am Changwon and only), I have been in the Land of the Rising Sun recently as part of a last minute decision to make the most of our summer holiday (or 'vacation').  We were told we'd have a summer holiday, of three days plus weekend, approximately ten days before the holiday, which led to some pretty crazy planning/guesswork.  We originally planned to keep the holiday fun in the 'Rea, due to the fact it says 'Single Entry' on our visas.  However, after a mothershipload of research it's since transpired that the law changed in 2010 (or so), meaning all holders of an Alien Registration Card automatically gained access to a multiple entry visa.  With that news coupled with the fact it's the height of holiday season prices rocketing through the roof here in SoKo, we decided to look further afield.  The Turtle has always had a rather large hankering for the 'Pan, so this would be the perfect opportunity for her (and us) to explore the place that was always half the world away, but is now a mere one hour fifteen minutes from.  I tried to keep note as best as possible our movements, activities, cultural blunders etc. from our four nights in Kyoto.  So enjoy the regalings of the fellow who hates changes in routine, has IBS and has an indescribable hatred of flying.  Note:  Some of it was written at the time, other bits have been added since.  If there are any inconsistencies with tenses, I apologise wholeheartedly.

Day 1

Today we made the temporary switch from the Morning Calm to the Rising Sun, on account of the sodding builders next door completely ruining any chance of anything that resembles the tranquility of morning calm, but also because it's SUMMER HOLIDAY! 

I hate airports.  They're places designed to make your already anxious two hour wait for the big flying box as miserable as humanly possible.  I cannot fathom the thought processes of the man who thought it would be a good idea to have at least 50% of all seats pointing away from the screens relaying information on check-in times, delays etc.  Why did he think this would be a good idea??  Anyways, it transpired that after we'd booked our flights with AirBusan, we'd actually be flying with Asiana Airlines.  I won't make a Wi Tu Low joke, but it did further unnerve me somewhat.  We met a few pretty cool people at the airport - all Waegooks going to Japan - and realised one of the guys we spoke to lived with one of the teachers we replaced whilst they attended the same university.  I can confirm that it is indeed a small world, after all.  The flight wasn't too bad; the Asian airline market hasn't quite latched onto the debilitating 'budget experience' that Europe has (I would mention Ryanair here, but I won't) so we did get quite comfortable seats with legroom not designed solely for the legless dwarf market.  We also had the screens come down from the ceiling and they just played You've Been Framed-esque clips of dogs headbutting owners' gentleman veg or people at weddings falling over.  Other people's misery certainly cheered me up somewhat.

Man in Gion, Kyoto, striding purposefully.

A week or so ago I'd finally got my 'Global' check card from the Korean Expat Bank.  They assured me that my Global check card would work anywhere in the world.  That I could venture into the deepest regions of the most isolated lands of the earth, but still access my account.  They lied.  I took an hour's flight and it was immediately rejected from just about everywhere.  A Seven-11 saved the day though.

We finally had the glorious moment of getting to lie out flat on the bed after the afternoon travelling at about 8.45pm.  The room was small, the bathroom was even smaller.  But, the receptionist told us we do have access to the traditional Japanese baths in the hotel, which will be interesting.

It was decided that after lugging our baggage up to the room we'd go and have a little exploration of the locality.  No more than thirty yards from the hotel entrance did we find Earl's Bar & Restaurant.  It had specials painted on a Guinness sign.  We'd travelled another 500 miles or so further into the Far East, yet somehow I felt closer to home than anytime in the past four months.  On the menu they have 'Bangers and Mash', chicken tikka masala, fish and chips, steak and chips, all sorts of British classics.  The best though is the fact that our quest to find Pimms this summer is over.

Bangers and mash, they were a bit tight on
portion control, still beautiful though.

After a few rounds of Pimms and a steak and chips, with Miss Turtle opting for the bangers and mash (complete with HP brown sauce), we had a more thorough wandering round the backstreets of Kyoto.  The place is a complete mesh of incredibly new and just very old, but it works.  There are hundred year old shrines interspersed between the new, incredibly modern buildings that have right-angles everywhere.  The one thing we did notice was how much more thought is given to the aesthetics of the exteriors of living quarters here.  In Korea, due to the vast amounts of high rise buildings, there's not much thought for the outside; but in Japan there is clearly a lot more thought that goes into making things look as nice as possible.

Anyways, it's past midnight and I'm shattered, so I'll stop writing about Japanese house fronts.  Big day tomorrow.

Day 2

Nijo Castle, Kyoto - the unshoeing quarters.

We were woken up by the alarm at about 4.30am (it was actually about 9, I don't care though, it may as well have still been dark).  We were up so early as to make sure we made the most of the hotel breakfast we'd paid for.  Now, the Japanese have offered many cultural wonders over the years that the West has promptly latched onto gleefully.  The Japanese breakfast is not one of these things.  They had rice, soup, fish, tofu.  It may well have been delicious, but I thought it was all rank and opted for the tiny little sausages and the scrambled egg.  The egg really confused me though because it came in cubes.  I spent a good couple of minutes pondering how they did it before I realised I had my concentration face on and the people on the table next to me were beginning to laugh at me.  

And strictly remember, no fun.

Today the plan was to see Nijo-jo Castle, which was only a short walk away from our hotel.  At breakfast it was absolutely lashing it down, so I wore jeans.  Unfortunately when we left for the castle (after undergoing a small, yet glorious, nap) it was scoldingly cloudless.  What a faux par that was.  We found the castle with relative ease, which was both unusual for us and a massive relief.

The castle took 23 years to build and was completed in 1626 and was used for over three hundred years as the Kyoto Imperial Palace.  I think the reason it lasted so long was it's Nazi-like enforcement of the no shoes policy it employed.  With no one traipsing all manner of muck through the hallways, it's much better to maintain the place (although that's just what my mum always told me, but with more swearing, usually just after I'd traipsed all manner of muck up the stairs coincidentally..)  It was probably in grand condition due to the fact they were all killjoys with more signs than British roadworks: "No photographs or sketching" (?!?), "Please keep off" "Route this way" everywhere.  I understand it's to preserve the place, but it didn't half make me feel like I was just a mindless farm animal being herded around before exiting through the tatty souvenir shops (bought souvenirs, but that isn't the point).

Bit of garden, think this was at the castle.

Overall though, it was a beautifully preserved and very pretty place.  Japanese culture emphasises the idea of ceremony and this was definitely evident in the castle, it had reception room after messenger room, grand chamber after grand chamber.  The attention to detail was remarkable too with fine details in just about every wall, ceiling and floor.  It was a good place to start.

After heading back towards the hotel we stopped by a little delicatessen which did a range of sandwiches, homemade cakes and some stuff I didn't understand/was quite scared of.  We ended up eating our sandwiches (I accidentally purchased a breast of 'chicken tandry', I have no idea what a tandry is, but it was delicious) outside a Starbucks with our caramel mocha frappe choca latteccinos and discussed Japan and what it'd be like to live here.  Japan, from what we've seen, is like the link between the East and the West; not geographically speaking obviously, but in terms of the culture and community here.  I suppose we have to remember that there's been Western involvement in trade and business pretty much since the end of the Second World War.  Korea, comparatively, has only competed as a big economic power in the last twenty years or so.  Whereas Japan has had three generations of the West, Korea has only had a couple of decades.

Gion again.

After a quick relaxation period up in our room, we headed out with a view of going on a walking tour of Gion, possibly the most well-preserved area of Kyoto.  If you're going to find yourself a Geiko (Geisha from Kyoto), it's going to be there.  We set off with a skip in our step, hoping to find ourselves all manner of Geikos.  I had a plan in my mind where I could convince three of them to be my Charlie's Angels (Jordan's, obviously) and use them to fight crime.  It didn't happen.  It didn't happen for three main reasons: firstly, their company is incredibly expensive and you can only meet them via invite.  Secondly, the walking tour only operates on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.  Today is Thursday.  And thirdly, the TV series, nor the movie of Charlie's Angels, gained particularly good ratings here, they would never have understood the concept.

Rather peckish.

It was decided, after the disappointment of walking to Gion for a walking tour that didn't exist, that we'd just have a walk around ourselves before getting some sushi - when in Rome and all that.  Gion is a really nice place.  The houses are pretty much all wooden and the roads all cobble stones.  It sort of looked how I'd imagine an Asian Bruges to look like.  The canal carving through the streets, straight as Vladimir Putin, only added to the calm and tranquility of the place.

Had sushi for the first time.  We did intend to go to this place we'd found rave reviews of on the online, but had little joy actually finding the place.  Instead, after asking directions from a local man in a suit walking past, he decided to alter his route to take us to this other sushi place that was "berry cheap".  Maybe if I'd have combed my hair that day he would've taken us somewhere more upmarket...  We did the whole conveyor belt of uncooked delights experience for extra authenticity too.  Some of the stuff was delicious.  I had about eight of the salmon, onion and mayo concoctions in a row, before getting adventurous and later feeling a bit ill.  Thankfully, my chopsticking skills, now at level: expert, made me look less foolish than I felt; in a room of people conversing over the intricate delicacies of Japanese cuisine as I was deploying a much more hit-and-hope tactic.

Once back in the room, feeling suitably full and utterly knackered, the Turtle suggested it might be a good idea if we made use of the traditional Japanese baths downstairs.  If you don't know much about the traditional Japanese bathing scene, it basically entails getting your todge out in front of a bunch of strangers whilst you all sweat away in a little Jacuzzi style bath.  As I was putting on my yukata I felt sick with anxiety.  If I couldn't score points in this part of the world, I may as well just cut it off and call myself Janet.  The Turtle seemed a lot more comfortable about the whole thing than I did.  I presumed it'd be as awkward as being stuck in a lift, or any confined space, with someone consistently tells you of things they've 'brought' when they clearly meant 'bought'.  I got into the changing rooms and an elderly native did some basic gestures as guidance.  I clearly looked confused and scared.  I took off my flippy floppies, placed them in the locker.  I took the belt off my yukata, placed it in the locker.  With a gulp and a quick shake to wake it up a bit, I took off the yukata, and placed that in my locker too.

Tidy garden.

I was ready.

I looked toward the frosted glass door of the bathing room and walked towards it, with naught but fear pulsing through me.  I slid the door back and... GREAT SUCCESS! The whole place was empty!  I did nothing short of a dive bomb into the pool.  Chuffed to bits that I didn't have to dangle my danglies in front of a bunch of strangers.  I sat there, content, lapping up the views of the hotel's neat and tidily trimmed gardens (no, I won't make a joke about that).  After sitting there for a good while, stewing in my own relaxation, two more Japanese men walked in.  They bypassed the pool and headed straight for the showers on the side I hadn't actually noticed.  They must have been there for a good fifteen minutes, cleaning every single part of themselves thoroughly.  I did feel a little bit guilty.  I'd sweat like a pig on fire in my jeans earlier on that day.  They were there, lathering, rinsing, repeating, doing everything in their power to keep the bath as clean as possible whilst I lay there doing about as much damage to the water cleanliness as a BP disaster in the Gulf of Mexico.  Later on a German fellow, in Japan on business, came in and I told him what to do, like I was a complete pro, we then discussed English Second Language programs and their implementations across Europe and in the East, before determining the roles and importance of more vocational subjects, often neglected at secondary level.

Today I learned I can be a right boring bastard.

Part 2 

Will be up early next week sometime providing I don't develop a social life between now and then.  Until then, stay safe and always wash before getting into Japanese public baths.

I Am Changwon and Only

Is it me you're looking for?

Hello.  The shimmering sun setting over the horizon of this month can only mean one thing:  Blogging time!  It's been another rather adventurous month, possibly our most adventurous to date as both myself and the Turtle become more adept and confident in our little alcove of the far East.  I thought I'd begin by explaining some of my thinking behind something that may confuse you.  In recent times, approximately since the Cold War: World Tour reached the Vietnam leg; Vietnam has often been referred to as "The 'Nam".  Now, there are numerous nicknames for South Korea: SoKo, The ROK (Repubic of Korea), but I quite like "The 'Rea".  So from now on, if you read something prefaced by "in the 'rea", then I'm merely referring to Korea. Of course...

Busanniversary

Myself and Turtle reached the 30 month mark in our relationship at the beginning of the month, which we decided to make the most of with a trip into a part of Busan we'd not seen too much of.  We booked the hotel: a very nice Pagoda-style place with a pond (indoors - always classy) in an area we'd never previously been to.  

The area was odd.

Yulha, where we are from is a new city; a planned city.  Roads as straight as not liking the Scissor Sisters and junctions at perfect right angles.  It's all very neat, tidy and generally looks a bit Truman Show.  Jungang, the area we stayed at, was more Favela than what we were used to, in all honesty.  Walking from the subway to the hotel meant going up all manner of windy back alleys, past tiny shop fronts selling mostly computer parts and fruit, all whilst avoiding headbutting any number of low hanging cables.  It was a rough and ready kind of place, as opposed to the polished tidiness we've since become accustomed to.

The majority of the weekend, I'd estimate, was spent on the metro though.  We tried to cram everything worth seeing into 72 hours (although we did have to check out at 68, which really hindered our progress).  It was on one of these metro journeys we encountered a most dreadful human being.  The kind you just hope repulses every possible member of the opposite sex in the hope they could never reproduce.  Unfortunately for us, both personally and globally, she had a young family.  The woman, whom for now I'll refer to as Kim Jong Knob, stared at us the entire time.  I have no qualms with staring; I'm a horrid, evil foreigner, that's fine.  It's when she started leaning into her young son's ear, whispering (whilst pointing at my legs!) before they both broke out laughing.  Then she'd continue to make weird eye contact with us.  In the end I made sure to stretch my legs out as much as I could so they got a good eyeful of prime furry leg.

I've digressed, I apologise.  We ended up bringing in the two and a half years sat on Gwangali beach drinking beer out of paper cups watching the bridge change colour, which was relatively pleasant.  What was less pleasant was when the bastards next to us started launching rocket-like missiles (which later turned out just to be fireworks).  I know we can't speak the same language but maybe just a bit of warning would have been nice.  I'm still getting used to the spicy foods and sudden surprises like that could have really ruined a quite romantic moment.

A thick, white oaf

As alluded to in the previous section, we do get a lot of attention for being a good ol' Johnny Foreigner.  I have to stress though that the overwhelming majority of the time, it is because we're weird looking to them, not because they find us attractive.  One of the myths I'd never really seen any evidence to discredit it before coming here was that white people were seen as beautiful icons to Asians.  No.  Korean people like Korean people who have some of the attractive white features.  On the whole, we are generally overweight, big nosed with awful hair.  We are sweaty and smelly and far too loud in public places.  Pale skin is a huge benefit here, as is having big wide eyes.  The same can be said for having a 'high' nose and set-back eyes.  A middle school class I teach told me all of these beneficial features, of which I seem to have many of.  But just as soon as I began to grow in self confidence I was brought back down with a somewhat unsubtle "But Teacher, your nose is too long and your eyes.. You look so tired Teacher!"

Orphanage

A fortnight ago we were invited to an orphanage in Gimhae by one of our friends as part of a big BBQ day out for the kids.  The idea of flame-kissed meats had me sold immediately.  When we arrived it turned out there was also going to be a water fight.  I had to pretend that I was moderately happy about this as it only seemed to be the children who were as excited as I was (very excited).  We took all the water balloons and other artillery (water bottles, buckets, a hose...) over to the park and prepared for an Orphans Vs. Foreigners deathmatch.  As I was limbering up and deciding on who should be my first victim (to hit with a water bomb, not to steal) one particularly warmhearted Waygook said, most profoundly "If you don't make an orphan cry today, you've not done your job".  And with that truly inspirational speech, I was ready.  

Within approximately forty seconds all the waterbombs had been used up and I'd made around eight different enemies whilst only securing the allegiance of one boy (whose aim was quite frankly appalling).  Nevertheless, it's fair to say I was completely soaked from head to toe (one of them managed to get water to go up my nose and out my mouth at one point).

Back at the orphanage one of the girls offered to paint my nails, which I allowed because it was quite a nice dark satin blue.  After she'd done both mine and the Turtle's, she then asked if she could be in a couple with us.  Obviously we had to say no, but statistically, she definitely would've helped ease the burden of washing and ironing my clothes..

Frankly though, it was one of my best days ever; I loved every second of it.  The kids there were so kind and generous along with being just incredibly playful and interested in us, which made trying to entertain them so much easier.  I cannot wait for next time (providing my Super Soaker 120,000 Double Pump-Action Destroyer gets here on time).

Three million days of Summer/Assassination Attempt

It's been pretty much summer conditions since we've been here, but sweet Jesus of modern day Israel it's getting hot now.  It's an unrelenting, hatefully humid heat which will make you have the most uncomfortable sleeps ever.  It's getting pretty toasty in the 'Rea.  I was woken up yesterday by the taste of my own sweat (suppose I'm thankful it was my own, but even so), it was disgusting.  A particular problem arose last Saturday when we tried to have a lazy/recuperation day.  There's a huge amount of construction knocking about next door (literally about three feet from our window, but also only about two feet from our air con unit), as a result, any of the chemicals/finer materials that get picked up by the wind get sucked right into our air con and then circulated around our room.  Normally this is fine, however El Turtlo took a rather bad turn and made all these peculiar noises, which sounded a bit like someone who'd just stopped breathing.  After a quick trip to the doctors she'd received two prick in the arse and we found out our directors haven't actually sorted out our health insurances yet, so I had to pay the full cost for the aforementioned arsepricks.  What a pain the 'Rea.

A day later, as Turtle's breathing returned to normal, we made our way over to the park and she practiced riding a bike some more, and.... GREAT SUCCESS!! She can definitely ride a bike and almost turn the handlebars, just need to practice that now.  But I was very proud and we celebrated by wearing the clothes we'd put in the freezer (we're terrified of turning on the air con now, so it's getting a little tricky).

A quick update and apology

From the end of last month I've been on holiday in Kyoto (or Tokyo for the dyslexics) which is why the blog hasn't quite been posted on time.  I will be doing a 'Japan Special' as I've been keeping a diary, so I'll post that up next week upon return to the 'Rea.