Ode De Toilet*

Bit of something extra

(*Courtesy of the Turtle for excellent punnery) When we first moved into our new apartment, despite the fact we were gutted it was the size of a shoebox and were up at 6am every morning because of the fothermucking builders next door, we were thoroughly chuffed at our new toilet.  The suction from it is like someone's burst an airplane window, it's phenomenal.  For those who weren't aware, our previous toilet worked about as well as the idea of multiculturalism in the Third Reich.  As a result, my relationship with the Turtle became a lot stronger because of some rather horrific plunging experiences.  

Anyways, at around 7.30am on our first morning in our new place, I decided to focus my positivity (also because we didn't have any internet) and wrote a poem.

Pulses racing, the adrenaline rush,

At the sounds you make, at the way that you flush.

With water cascading, you efficiently drain,

To end the misery, to halt the pain.

With a warmth in my heart, joy in my eyes

To see the ways your waters don't rise.

From all around, people will flock

And look at you flush and refuse to block.

To have a toilet like you!  I must be a dreamer,

With your suction like a great vacuum cleaner.

I look at you, my heart growing fond,

I look forward to the times where we can bond.

Sometimes you'll cause arguments which will make Kaylie frown,

Because I will have forgotten to put your seat down.

But seat up or seat down, I'll always love you;

Even if I fill you with weewee and poopoo.